Teen Lit: Our Hat’s In the Ring

ESV-Cover-smWith any bit of luck, the current wave of reinterpreted vampires will soon go the way of the C.H.U.D. — back underground and mostly forgotten.

But on the chance that they’re here to stay, we should be making money from them, too. And so we present Part 1 of “Emily and the Really Sexy Vampyre“, and operators are standing by to receive bids for the movie rights.

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

UPDATE: Part 7 now available


  1. Sara
    Posted November 20, 2009 at 1:10 am | Permalink

    Storm, I just need to say that you are an awful, awful person.

  2. Posted November 20, 2009 at 7:52 am | Permalink

    For some reason, when I read this, I get ‘Have You Kicked An Emo Kid’s Ass Today?’ by Hot Waffles in my head. I can’t decide whether it’s awfully great or greatly awful, but I’m grateful.

  3. Posted November 20, 2009 at 9:50 am | Permalink

    NoDerivs? No Rule 34? No Slash? No fun! (kidding!)

    There’s a time and a place for fart jokes, and you have found it!

  4. Posted November 20, 2009 at 10:46 am | Permalink

    However, you have yet to discover a time or a place which isn’t for fart jokes. Don’t bother looking, it’s overrated.

  5. Guy who was awkward when he met you at Bristol
    Posted November 20, 2009 at 11:57 am | Permalink

    Really deep stuff. There are things that I’m picking up reading again. One thing I noticed (for you literary geeks) was the metaphor with the blue eyes. The author uses them more than once! I kid you not. It was my 8th reading before I noticed.

  6. Nick
    Posted November 20, 2009 at 12:09 pm | Permalink

    F**k me with fangs, that was funny. I wonder if vampyres fart? Whenever I’m on a liquid diet it goes through me like drain opener. Food for thought, Nick (aka Speak No Evil Minion)

  7. Posted November 20, 2009 at 1:06 pm | Permalink

    I’m reminded of this timeless classic of Rule 34 as applied to Twilight, which is entirely your style. Warning: severe spit-take risk, do not read while drinking. Also, NSFW.


  8. Garrick
    Posted November 20, 2009 at 1:32 pm | Permalink

    I didn’t think it was possible, but you actually managed to give meaning to the Twilight series! After the joy and laughter of the gags passed, I realized that your parody actually has more substance than the novels themselves.

    Thank you for the laughs!

  9. Posted November 20, 2009 at 4:52 pm | Permalink

    @Mark: That link… It was brilliantly hilarious. And spot on in so many ways.

  10. Posted November 20, 2009 at 8:29 pm | Permalink

    The first time I saw that review was the first I had ever heard about Twilight, so I was a tad biassed against it from the start.

  11. Posted November 21, 2009 at 1:35 am | Permalink

    Storm, I agree with Sara. You are an awful person. But your my kind of awful. πŸ™‚

  12. Posted November 21, 2009 at 1:46 pm | Permalink

    Awful is just like awesome, but more of it.

  13. Posted November 22, 2009 at 11:36 pm | Permalink

    Fantastic. πŸ™‚

  14. Posted November 23, 2009 at 12:31 am | Permalink

    *you’re :-S

  15. Posted November 23, 2009 at 10:34 am | Permalink

    I don’t… that’s not… There are no words! xD

  16. Posted November 25, 2009 at 4:48 pm | Permalink

    Great. Now I have BDFaP going through my head!

  17. Posted November 25, 2009 at 7:31 pm | Permalink

    What’s this? A Facebook group for fans of N.K.L. Storm?


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