Let the games begin! Our first sixteen competitors jump into the fray for the inaugural round of the Battle for Secretary of Geek Affairs. Voting for Round 1 of the Do’Urden Regon is now open, and will close on Sunday, D
ec. 21st at 7 pm (a completely arbitrary stop time, as is our wont), at which point the next round (Bombadil Region, Round 1) will begin.
Read about all the matchups and go vote, after the break. And tell your friends!
Linus Torvalds: Founder of the Linux kernel; notable standard-bearer of the Open Source revolution.
Notes: Extra points for coming from off the beaten path (Finland); married a Finnish national karate champion.
Mr. Peabody: Time-traveling talking dog featured in “The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show“; genius.
Notes: Time machine could be useful for policy implementation; might face Congressional scrutiny during confirmation hearings over possible NAMBLA associations.
Simon Pegg: Actor/writer; co-creator/star, “Spaced“, Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz.
Notes: Portraying “Scotty” in upcoming Star Trek reboot; staunch opponent of Star Wars prequel trilogy; no danger of influence from powerful zombie special interest groups.
Peter Parker: Real identity of superhero Spider-Man; amateur scientist and freelance photographer.
Notes: Wise-cracking nature and proclivity for violence may undermine policy implementation efforts.
Paul Allen: Co-founder, Microsoft; all-around geek entrepreneur.
Notes: Leading promoter and funder of tech through his cash-strewing venture, Vulcan Inc., as well as numerous charitable projects; is in part responsible for architectural monstrosity The Experience Music Project.
Patton Oswalt Comedian, actor; voice of “Remy” in Ratatouille; noted comic book and Dungeons & Dragons enthusiast.
Notes: Highly respected in comedy circles as “comedian’s comedian;” articulate, fervent, and unafraid to voice his opinion; diminutive, troll-like stature; will not rest until George Lucas is made to pay for Star Wars prequels.
Kevin Smith: Film director/writer (including Clerks, Chasing Amy, Zack and Miri Make a Porno); guest writer for Marvel Comics (Daredevil, Spider-Man) and DC Comics (Green Arrow) .
Notes: Noted for his on-screen appearances as “Silent Bob;” characters honestly portray geekdom at its best (and worst), and his dialogue is in common use as a short-hand second language; unfortunately, is from New Jersey; also, Jersey Girl.
Randall Munroe: Creator of webcomic xkcd.
Notes: Has graduate degree in physics; captures the nuances of geek life by investing his rudimentary stick figures with keen and often poignant observations; occasional stick figure sex.
Kaylee Frye: Character, Joss Whedon’s TV series “Firefly” and film Serenity; ship’s mechanic.
Notes: Prototypical geek girl who has a great love of and intuitive talent with technology; feminine without being entirely “girly;” only partially aware of how stupefyingly attractive she is.
The Professor: Character from TV show “Gilligan’s Island“. Complete name is Roy Hinkley (Martin), B.A., B.S., M.A., Ph.D.
Notes: A resourceful voice of reason in difficult situations; met the Harlem Globetrotters.
Tricia “Trillian” McMillan: Character in Douglas Adams’ Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series; brilliant astrophysicist and mathematician; one of two remaining living Earthlings.
Notes: Keeps company with Zaphod Beeblebroz; eventually ends up with hapless, well-intentioned Arthur Dent, giving hope to similarly hapless, well-intentioned geeks worldwide.
Rick Moranis: Actor/comedian/writer, “SCTV“, Ghostbusters, Spaceballs, Little Shop of Horrors; known for his portrayals of nerd/geek characters; Canadian.
Notes: Smart, incisive satirist with extreme likability; was in Strange Brew. However, was also in The Flintstones.
RMS (Richard Matthew Stallman): Founder of the free software GNU project; software and political activist; hacker extraordinaire.
Notes: Extremely strong tech geek credentials; could be difficult keeping him “on message.”
Gadget: Mechanically-inclined mouse from Disney’s “Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers” cartoon series. Full name: Gadget Hackwrench.
Notes: Although quick-witted and resourceful, her solutions often do as much harm as good.
Steve Jobs: Co-founder, Chairman and CEO of Apple Computer; former CEO, Pixar Animation Studios.
Notes: Fearless competitor, constantly leading market in technology and design innovation; don’t know what he was thinking with the whole NeXT thing; allegedly kind of a dick in person.
Cast of Revenge of the Nerds Film protagonists who form a college fraternity in order to thrive in an environment hostile to their kind.
Notes: Plucky, never-give-up attitude; strongly value and embrace diversity; known for clever, science-based solutions to difficult obstacles; will come stage tonight to do a show for you; several of them totally get to do it with chicks; potential hygiene issues.