Show #057: The Litany of Disappointments

sea2-786993The fifty-seventhnd episode of our podcast, Paul and Storm Talk About Some Stuff for Five to Ten Minutes (On Average), is now online.

This week’s episode: a recounting of disappointing purchases (including “The Magic Printer“, Slip ‘n’ Slide, and sea monkeys), Jean Shephard style; Storm’s summer camp Jewish redneck water slide experience; Paul sets himself up to get smacked down by the Twilight moms; we invent Blow-Up Zombie Boys, a young-male analogue for the Twilight series; stage fright manifestations; Storm stands firm on Stilton; and some quick breakfast opinions. Also, watch “The Legend of Neil“.

AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION ALERT: What were some of your disappointing purchases, either from childhood or adulthood? Also, are we out of good monsters?

Featured post-show song:  “Theme (NES)” by Metroid Metal

Show #057: The Litany of Disappointments (Some content NSFW)


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  1. Robin
    Posted September 15, 2009 at 3:41 pm | Permalink

    We never had a Slip ‘N Slide because the slope of our lawn, which would’ve been awesome for it, also would’ve dumped us out onto a state highway used by 18-wheelers. I don’t recall any major disappointing purchases from my childhood, probably because our parents made us stop to consider whether we actually wanted / needed whatever it was before letting us buy stuff. It’s made me kind of annoyingly frugal with occasional bouts of impulse shopping.

    Marching band! Trumpet players! Woohoo! Now I miss my horn. 🙁

    I have dutifully made my Eventful demand for w00tstock Boston. In the meantime, I’m looking forward to seeing you guys next weekend.

    Love the outro music, by the way.

  2. Wesley
    Posted September 15, 2009 at 8:11 pm | Permalink

    I think that my most disappointing purchase was nortel stock… Zing!

  3. Tam O'Shanter (the Fonzie Minion)
    Posted September 15, 2009 at 9:17 pm | Permalink

    No. We are NOT out of good monsters since nobody’s ever taken full advantage of the idea of molemen yet!!! Think about it: they’d have to be damn strong to burrow through the earth’s crust, huge freakin’ claws, extremely heat resistant, monstrous in appearance with huge teeth… plus if they took out a big city’s power grid there could be an expedition through tunnels and subway lines to try to fight them on their turf. I smell a franchise!

  4. Alana Duran
    Posted September 16, 2009 at 2:59 am | Permalink

    I’m trying to do a direct download to no avail. Error reads: “The download cannot be saved because an unknown error has occured. Please try again.” I’ve tried several times (after all, it was very polite), but still nothing. Is anyone else having issues, or am I just retarded? And yes, I know I can listen to this streaming, but I need to learn something during school tomorrow and I have no access to the wi-fi while in class. Sad panda.

  5. Fatty (Thesaurus Minion)
    Posted September 16, 2009 at 2:19 pm | Permalink

    Ooooh you guys! You teased about UK shows… but I can’t find nuttin about them on this here interweb that I am using. Can anyone point me in the right direction PLEASE!

  6. Posted September 16, 2009 at 10:56 pm | Permalink

    Hmm… I’ve been trying to think of a disappointing purchase all day, but couldn’t come up with anything.

    I’ll echo Robin’s marching band enthusiasm. I never got stage fright in our shows until my senior year when our band director wrote me a solo (I played tuba). Even though he usually arranged music with excellent bass lines, it was completely different being the center of attention like that. And totally awesome, I might add. 😉

    I read the first two books in the Twilight series because they were/are so popular with my ninth graders. That’s all I could stomach, though. I’m all about guilty pleasures, but if I wanted that much purple prose I’d just read fan fiction. I can kind of understand the 40-something lonely women who read the books; it’s the women in that same group who obsess over the “hotness” of the kids in the movies who really freak me out.


    Nov. 6 in Dublin:
    Nov. 12 in Manchester:|artist=JONATHAN+COULTON+WITH+PAUL+%26+STORM&n|artist=null&resultsperpage=20&filler1=see&filler2=art-srch&orderby=date

  7. Posted September 17, 2009 at 2:16 am | Permalink

    Can’t think of any disappointing toy purchases as a kid. I was pretty happy with my toys. As an adult, my disappointing purchases have largely been in the area of clothing. Wow. That was exceedingly dull. Moving on…

    Thanks for playing some Metroid Metal. I just discovered them at PAX. I know nothing about the game Metroid, but these guys are some very talented rockers – and lovely people to boot.

  8. Fatty (Thesaurus Minion)
    Posted September 17, 2009 at 2:21 am | Permalink

    @Erin: Thanks for the links and congratz on having the sense to (I guess) search for “Coulton”!

  9. Posted September 17, 2009 at 4:26 am | Permalink

    Erin: And it doesn’t freak you out that a 100+ year-old vampire STALKS the heroine and that’s how they fall in love?

    I’ve determined my most disappointing purchase: the Matrix box set. I was only going to buy the first one, but it was on sale for about $20, and I was using a gift card anyway, so I figured “what the heck?” Well, here’s what the heck: the first disc, the only one that I cared about, the one containing the Matrix… didn’t work. And the store I bought it from (Media Play) went out of business before I found out and could exchange it.
    Eventually I got the movie from a friend who was updating to Blu-Ray, but… I still got screwed in the first place.

  10. Posted September 17, 2009 at 5:03 pm | Permalink

    @Fatty: You’re welcome. 🙂

    @Tam: Oh, no, that freaks me out, too, but not as much as the 40-something women I know who have Facebook photo albums filled with pictures of their “Favorite Vampires.” (Not kidding.) The one good thing I can say about the books is that they get my students to read and have been a gateway to *better* writing. By the end of last year, most of my Twilight fangirl students had moved on to more mature novels. So, there’s some hope.

    At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

  11. Posted September 18, 2009 at 2:05 am | Permalink

    @Erin: Ahh. Yeah, that’s really creepy… *shudders*. And I suppose it’s good that it gets girls into reading, I just hope that it doesn’t screw up their ideas on what constitutes a healthy relationship.

    Also, “Tam” is just the name Paul and Storm gave me in my minion identification. I’m @Totz_the_Plaid on Twitter.

  12. Posted September 18, 2009 at 12:23 pm | Permalink

    Great podcast, guys. I would point out that a better (and real) word for “disticipation” would be “dread.”

  13. JD McIntyre
    Posted September 18, 2009 at 2:23 pm | Permalink

    The most disapointing purchase I ever had was my first experience with the difference between toys in real life and toys in commercials. The Omega Supreme Transformer toy was breaking down buildings and destroying worlds in the commercial so I saved up the $65 to buy it. At 10, in 1986, 65 bucks was a lot of money. I get it home and it’s a plastic tank that runs on two AA’s.

    I was sad but pretended to be happy with it so my Mom wouldn’t get on me for wasting money.

  14. Posted September 18, 2009 at 4:43 pm | Permalink

    @Tam: Yeah, I knew that it wass you, but I thought I’d stick with the moniker you’re using here to avoid confusion. 🙂

  15. Posted September 18, 2009 at 10:09 pm | Permalink

    @Erin: Ahh, ok.

  16. Matthew Gress
    Posted September 27, 2009 at 4:15 pm | Permalink

    Diane Duane (prolific author of, among other things, Star Trek books and episodes. wikipedia her already) said (and repeated in my presence) re: Twilight novels “I could eat a ream of paper and vomit a better book.” And my GF still read them, even though she more or less agrees. You have probably already heard the RiffTrax of the first movie. If not, do.

    We had a flat lawn, bought 2 old-school slip and slides and had just as much fun as the commercial seemed to indicate, so mileage clearly varied.

    Then of course, there is the University of Chicago (tradition?) story of “body luging” with cut up trash bags and vegetable oil in the dorm hallways.

    Isn’t Sylar an OK monster? (Lots of plot holes, in my opinion, but still…)

  17. manstraw
    Posted September 30, 2009 at 7:11 pm | Permalink

    the word is ‘dread’.

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