Show #029: The Onion Juice Quandary

scared_catThe twenty-ninthth episode of our podcast, Paul and Storm Talk About Some Stuff for Five to Ten Minutes (On Average), is now online.

This week’s episode: Discussing reasons why we’re tired and grumpy; lateral bungee jumping and the addictive nature of performing; February 24th is Spay Day; Mark Twain invented Batman, along with every rhyme and game you sang/played in elementary school; detailed childhood sense memories involving Wings, crinkle fries and wetting ourselves; and roughly six minutes about onion juice and sex (separately). Plus, Paul’s dog barks a lot in the background.

AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION ALERT: Tell us about the “playground songs” you used to sing when you were wee. Also, feel free to share your own incredibly-specific childhood sense memory.

Featured post-show song: “When She Walks By” – Mike Errico

Show #029: The Onion Juice Quandary (Some content NSFW)


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  1. Wesley
    Posted February 24, 2009 at 2:15 pm | Permalink

    I remember when my brother was a kid he had this doll and it scared the shit out of him. it looked kinda like Chucky mixed with a retarded mime on crack. and it would just sit there at the top of his closet staring at him. and now he is scared shitless whenever he looks at dolls or clowns.

  2. Posted February 24, 2009 at 7:07 pm | Permalink

    Many of the songs I sang with my friends on the playground or the bus were traditional songs like Deck the Halls or Battle Hymn of the republic but with words that described burning down the school or killing teachers with varied weaponry. We all thought they were hysterically funny, mostly because we would have never considered ACTUALLY doing any of that. Now, in my Grown-Up Life, I’m a school teacher in the post-Columbine/911 era, and even though I sang them with gusto and no ill intent, I can’t allow my students to do the same.

    However the Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts song can and should continue to live on!

  3. Posted February 24, 2009 at 8:29 pm | Permalink

    Ack – my Mirror, Mirror twin is back! 😉

    Oh, the childhood memories. “Playground in My Mind” was one of the first pop songs I remember liking. I thought I must have been about 4 years old, and sure enough, the magic intertubes tell me that the song came out in 1973. Whenever I hear that song, I have a clear image of our old upright piano, because I think the stereo was on top of it. I also have a very vivid memory of sitting in my highchair and dropping a plate onto the kitchen floor and breaking it. (I wasn’t being destructive, I though it would make it to the table.) Fascinating stuff, huh? 🙂

    And speaking of crinkle fries, do you guys remember the old fries at Carl’s Jr? Maybe it was just a southern CA thing. They had the best fries in the 70s and 80s. Some wacky fry formation that had a lot of surface area for extra crunchiness, more so than regular crinkle fries. I’ve since learned (magic intertubes again) that they were some kind of instant mashed potato-like substance called Frispos. Yum!

    P.S. The Plan 8 podcast put up a video of the sound check at Ram’s Head in Annapolis. It’s fairly entertaining, especially when Paul says, “Wow, this mic smells so much like beer!” Made me smile.

  4. Posted February 24, 2009 at 9:08 pm | Permalink

    In elementary school, the girls never really did jump rope and thus never had any playground songs. For me, Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts is more of a camp song, kind of like John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. As you can see, his name is my name too.

    But I digress. Instead, in fifth grade boys and girls alike were obsessed with four-square at recess. No chicken feet or carries, but slams and bus-stops were allowed. One day, one of the kids sang something that wasn’t so funny but we apparently thought so. This was a time when everyone ran home from school so they could catch The Disney Afternoon. Most of us missed the Gummi Bears because that came on at 3 and we got out at 2:45, so the first thing everyone watched was DuckTales.

    Anyway, this guy, who was also the best four-square player, started singing, “Every day they’re out and making Duck Love ooo WOOO ooo!” This had pretty much everyone laughing, but it wasn’t nearly as funny as the kid in B square who thought it was so funny that he pissed his pants. That had pretty much everyone gasping for air.

  5. Posted February 24, 2009 at 10:00 pm | Permalink

    P.P.S. Many of the songs we sang as kids involved underwear. I don’t know why that is. Anyone remember this one?

    There goes [name]
    Going down the Delaware
    Chewing on [his/her] underwear
    Couldn’t find another pair
    Ten days later
    Got bit by a polar bear
    Poor little polar bear died.
    Alternate ending: Ain’t no near no more.

    Seriously! Who made this stuff up?!

  6. Posted February 24, 2009 at 10:00 pm | Permalink

    [not “near,” bear]

  7. Joe B
    Posted February 25, 2009 at 6:57 am | Permalink

    I was a child of the 70’s and one of the songs I remember singing at lot in school was “This Land is your Land”. This was especially popular as we approached the US’s Bicentennial celebration in 1976.

    As far as songs and rhymes out on the playground, I’m having a hard time remembering any that haven’t been mentioned already. We sung a lot of songs with “word substitution” as well.

  8. Robin
    Posted February 25, 2009 at 1:54 pm | Permalink

    A lot of the playground songs among my childhood group went along with clapping games. Miss Mary Mack, Doctor Doctor, etc. And, yes, there were lots of parodies of well-known songs. I think my favorite was:

    This land is my land.
    It is not your land.
    I got a shotgun,
    And you don’t got one.
    If you don’t get off,
    I’ll blow your he-ad off.
    This land is private property.

    As you might imagine, I grew up in a somewhat rural area. 🙂 To the best of my knowledge, although many kids’ parents owned hunting rifles and/or small-caliber handguns, no one ever actually brought firearms to school.

    It’s funny Storm should mention mowing the lawn, because one of my earliest sense memories is the sound and smell of my dad cutting the grass around our house with his enormous, racket-producing gravely tractor. In the middle of the Summer, I’d be in the house drinking cold beverages, watching TV, and hiding from the heat while Dad was outside in the blazing sun wielding that beast in an effort to tame the grass. The only bad part was that once I was big enough, I had to go out and rake the leaving for composting when he was done.

  9. Peter
    Posted February 25, 2009 at 8:48 pm | Permalink

    When I was a kid I always just assumed that some kid at some school some time in the past had just come up with each one of those little songs and they spread like memes (before I know what a meme was) untill the really clever songs were pretty much known accross the country. Once I actually made up a verse part for the Batman-Jingle Bells song and hoped that it would catch on but it never did.

  10. DJ
    Posted February 26, 2009 at 4:06 pm | Permalink

    This is merely a formality, but I don’t believe that Drew Carey is actually required to remind the viewers to spay and neuter pets. It’s one of the traditions that when he took over, he said that he was merely going to state. Now, with that being said, I’m SURE that there is compensation for the phrase.

    As far as playground songs go, I was working game early on, so I was able to learn a lot of the girls’ jump-rope songs trying to get in good with them.

  11. DJ
    Posted February 26, 2009 at 4:39 pm | Permalink

    After further thought, I was going through Itunes and came across “Rainbow Connection” by Kermit the Frog. That song ALWAYS brightens my day. Not really much in the way of playground music, but it could be considered some form of comfort-music.

  12. Jack F.
    Posted February 26, 2009 at 10:25 pm | Permalink

    In the food vs. sexual intercourse challenge (there’s a future Fox reality show event), the answer is keep food. The reason? It’s not giving up ALL sex, just specifically sexual intercourse. I could go into more detail on the reasoning, but I’ll leave that up to people like Bill Clinton and Ken Starr.

  13. Ross
    Posted February 27, 2009 at 12:19 pm | Permalink

    My thought on the food vs. sex question is that, I love food. I love food too much. If I had to take my nutrition in an alternative way, I’d be a lot healthier and therefore be able to enjoy sex longer.

  14. Ann
    Posted February 28, 2009 at 5:33 pm | Permalink

    I remember we had scads of schoolyard songs but damned if I can remember most of ’em. I *do* remember the favorites were “Down by the banks” and “Miss Lucy had a Steamboat”. Gotta love clapping games to drill a song into your head!

  15. Posted February 28, 2009 at 11:23 pm | Permalink

    If you guys were grumpy and down after your concerts last weekend, I can only imagine how hard you’ll crash after the fame overload of the past few days. Paul, you must be in heaven. I’m one of the ones who enjoy getting that peek behind the curtain, even if you’re grumpy.

    I remember a lot of the playground songs already mentioned on here, so I have nothing of note to add to that.

    Also, @Jack F.: Your comment about the food vs. sex challenge? I am so glad that I’m not the only one who had that thought! 🙂

  16. Posted March 4, 2009 at 8:16 am | Permalink

    I’m glad to know that Storm doesn’t like Pepsi!

    I remember my grandfather opening 6-1/2 oz bottles of Coke, drinking one swallow, then filling the bottle with Planter’s peanuts from the vending machine, then drinking and eating them together afterwards. I do this now because it reminds me of those days of my past when things were much simpler and I didn’t have to figure out were to find those damn bottles…..

  17. jonas3333
    Posted March 9, 2009 at 10:23 pm | Permalink

    Get ready for a long one. My homework isn’t getting finished anyway and I’ve been listening to “Still Alive” like 200 times in a row now. I know a lot of childhood songs…

    Classics: (surely everyone knows these and they are probably easily lookupable)

    1. Ms. Suzy had a Steamboat, the Steamboat had a bell;

    2. On Top of Spaghetti; All covered with cheese etc..

    3. John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt

    4. Miss Mary Mack mack mack, All dressed in Black, black black

    5. Hello, my name is Joe, I work in a Button Factory

    6. Found a Peanut

    7. The Happy Wanderer

    8. Alice the Camel

    9. The Ants go Marching

    10. Great big gobs of Greasy, Grimy, Gopher Guts…


    11. Black Socks:

    12. The Princess Pat:

    The Princess Pat, like most of these has variable lyrics. I know them differently than most.

    The Princess Pat (everything is echoed)
    Laid Infantry – many sing “lived in a tree” which I believe is wrong as it just doesn’t fit
    She sailed across
    The big blue sea
    She Sailed across
    The ocean too – many sing “the channel too” which is whatever
    She brought along
    The Rickadendoo – Some say Rickabamboo I don’t know
    The Rickadendoo, Now what is that? It’s something made, by the Princess Pat
    It’s red and gold, and purple too, That’s why it’s called, the Rickadendoo
    Now the Captain Jack,
    Had a mighty fine crew,
    He sailed across
    The ocean too,
    But his ship sank, and yours will too, if you forget, the Rickadendoo

    13. All along the Countryside: Dunno if that’s the title or where to find this song, but it has a beautiful little tune.

    All along the countryside the road is wide
    Passing by a little stream that flows along
    like a song
    Sweetly singing all the day.

    14: Boom Chicka: I also can’t find this one. It’s simple.

    I said a boom chick-a boom (what’s that you say?)
    I said a Boom Chick-a Boom! (what’s that you Say?)
    I said a Boom chick-a-rac-a-chick-a-rac-a-chick-a-boom! (With rolled “r’s”)

    That’s probably more than you wanted.

  18. Judy Fox
    Posted September 12, 2010 at 4:29 pm | Permalink

    From the fifties does anyone remember playing a clapping game that goes like this.

    To know know know him
    Is to love love love him
    Just to see his smile
    Makes my life worth while

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