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Stamp collections
Eggs frying
Staph infections
Paint drying
These are just a few of the things more exciting than soccer

Baby showers
James Buchanan
Eight straight hours of A Prairie Home Companion
These are some other things more exciting than soccer

They say that it’s the world’s most popular sport
I’d get excited for it if I tried
Ninety minutes for Cameroon and Norway
To reach a 0-0 tie

Kiss a lawyer
Do my taxes
Get a hundren Brazillian waxes
These just a few of the things I would rather do than watch soccer

I would rather listen to Yanni CDs
While receiving a sigmoidoscopy
Administered by my 8th grade gym teacher
The one who always smelled like Aqua Velva and cheese
Than to have to watch soccer