Soup On Tap!

My brain am still kinda broke-down and glum, so today I’m giving away a MILLION DOLLAR BUSINESS IDEA!* I’m practically making money just by thinking about it. Why is it so valuable?

  • It doesn’t require a lot of retail space
  • Its appeal is as novel as it is practical
  • Startup costs are low
  • It involves soup

That’s right, Soup On Tap is just what it sounds like: a storefront quick-serve soup joint where the meals are served through a modified beer tap. Maybe the taps are set up like in a bar, or perhaps it’s more like those frozen daiquiri or yogurt machines that are set into the walls. But that’s up to you, Budding Young Soup Tycoon!

Maybe it could even be like Cold Stone Creamery, where you start with your base soup, and then you can have your server add all kinds of crap into it. For those who don’t want to have to think about the best combinations, the SOT hierarchs will have thoughtfully already arranged the best combinations for your perusal on the wall, each with a somewhat descriptive and WACKY name:

  • Matzoh Brawl Soup – chicken soup base with noodles, matzoh balls, veg, chunks of real-ish chicken, and five shots of Tabasco Sauce. Just the thing to create a melee in your belee.
  • New England Cram Chowder – You heard us right! There are so many clams in this concoction that an entire hectare of sea bed is now barren from the effort of filling your mug.
  • Maxi-strone – Yep, our version of the Italian classic isn’t just some wimpy, gussied-up vegetable soup. We start with our veggie base, but then load on everything a true paisan loves: pepperoni, mortadella, prosciutto, and sausage. Served with a 12-inch side pizza.

You get the idea, and the possibilities are endless! Sure, it’ll require developing a special tap that won’t jam up or be so difficult to clean that it becomes a botulism encampment, but you’re smart and tech-savvy. I believe in you. And all I ask is that when you’re being reviewed by David Rees after presenting your restaurant idea on America’s Next Great Restaurant, send me a thank-you email. And buy me a solid platinum soup bowl that has “Soup-er Man” engraved at the bottom, and/or contribute all of the profits to charity.

That’s all I ask.


*AKA the first thing to tumble out of my head.


  1. Renee
    Posted May 11, 2011 at 11:54 pm | Permalink

    I do NOT have what it would take to start a SOT joint, but I would patronize said joint. S0UP-er-Creamy SOUP-er-garlicky tomato SOUP-er-bisque (with onion), please! Get on it, folks! It’s all I ask.

  2. Posted May 11, 2011 at 11:55 pm | Permalink

    I’ve been in a gloomy funk for the last week or so myself but a trip to a place like this could definitely be part of the cure. 🙂

    (Good on ya for writing through your funk; I tend to go blog/radio-silent during mine.)

  3. Posted May 11, 2011 at 11:58 pm | Permalink

    Wow; I’m already starting to regret giving this one away! And yeah, my m.o. is also usually to go radio silent (as I had, more or less, on Twitter for the past week or so), but THIS IS WHERE I MAKE MY STAND! (thanks for the support.)

  4. Posted May 12, 2011 at 1:08 am | Permalink

    What a coincidence, because “Melee in Your Belee” is my thrash metal Slim Goodbody cover band.

  5. Posted May 12, 2011 at 7:10 am | Permalink

    sounds appalling to me, so it would probably be a big money maker. lucky for you so many of your minions are ultra-wealthy venture capitalists looking for Great New Business Ideas to fund. their large checks are probably on their way to you at this very moment!

  6. Posted May 12, 2011 at 10:00 am | Permalink

    Between this and Paul and Storm’s Original Goodtime Fightery, I don’t know why the entirety of Kickstarter isn’t devoted to enabling Paul and Storm entrepreneury.

  7. CallieMo
    Posted May 12, 2011 at 2:01 pm | Permalink

    As a lover of all things soup, I applaud this concept. Many moons ago there was a little restaurant in a mall one state over called SoupMasters. They had maybe 10-12 soups in big soup vats and the variety changed on a daily basis with a few standard flavors staying. You could get the soup in a regular bowl or a bread bowl. Every time I was at that mall, I happily ate there. Then, one day, they disappeared and the fire of my soup longings went unquenched. 🙁

    Your initial idea is a lot like that but I like the “make your own flavor” option even better. If they had a huge variety of veggies along with the meats and pasta/rice/etc, I could have a different soup every day of the year.

    Now if only I were the “go and get ’em” type instead of the “this couch is comfy” type, I’d make use of your ideas.

    Oh well, someone else will do it, right?

  8. Posted April 14, 2012 at 9:29 pm | Permalink

    A couple friends and I had this exact idea on a snowy day last winter. Not sure how to serve a more stewy soup though…might require some specialized taps. Still raising funding.

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