Bad Advice #0002

Love, love, love! This week everyone’s* trying to untangle Cupid’s spaghetti knot, and apparently bad advice is what people really want when it comes to matters de l’amour. Very well.

THE DISCLAIMER: I’m not an expert of any kind, I cannot vouch for the efficacy or legality of my advice, and as a blanket statement recommend that no one should follow it, ever. It is bad advice. I will also not be held accountable if any of my advice is found to be thought-provoking, or if any portion therein could be deemed to be, by a deranged mind, constructive.

Dear Storm,

I’m stuck between the possibility of money and the possibility of love. Many of the fun opportunities in my field are far from where I live. Normally I’d move in a New York minute, but my (not necessarily mutual) romantic interest lives in a familiar city much nearer to me. Which should I pursue, money or love?


Tricky. But much as it can take time for love to grow between two people (sometimes abetted by absence/distance, if there really is latent romance), so too can learning to love money be a long process. But once achieved, you will no longer have to choose.


What’s a good meal to cook for a picky eater? – Erin

Sugar. Everyone loves sugar.


After being in a long-distance relationship for over a year, I’m moving across the country to live with my sweetheart. Any advice for us as we begin our new venture together? – C

Congratulations! You’ve both embarked upon an amazing journey. And although the odds are heavily stacked against it lasting more than a year, the fact that you’re asking questions and seeking advice in advance bodes well for you and your love being in the successful ½ of 1%.

But don’t let the numbers discourage you. It’s simply a matter of adapting to living in each others’ space, all the time, and the numerous life changes that go with it, along with learning a new city and possibly a new job.

I know–“Woah there, buster! That’s a lot of topsy-turvy at once!” Yes indeed! So my advice is to phase in the changes gradually:

  • First move halfway to their city, and live there for three months; then within 50 miles for three months more. If you’re still going strong (doubtful), make the final jump. Once in the same town, live in separate homes for AT LEAST another 3-6 months. Walking distance is okay, as long as it would be an inconvenience in bad weather.
  • When you finally do move in, treat yourself to something very expensive, just for you. In fact, it should be something that you’re certain your mate would not appreciate. In this way, when arguments crop up (and they will), you’ll have your Very Expensive Thing to remind you that there are also good things about your new home. Encourage your sweetie to do the same, and explain why.
  • During this entire process, each of you should make a list of everything that annoys you about the other, and post it on a blog. (Facebook is acceptable if you use it for nothing else during the adaptation period.) By airing your grievances on the internet, it will allow your friends and the public at large to figure out how to fix the problems for you, without the hazards of direct communication.

And if it works, all I ask is that you name at least two of your children after me. Or if you don’t end up with children, buy me a burrito. And Paul should get one, too.


Would YOU like some bad advice? From ME? Simply send an e-mail to, and please put the words “bad advice” in the Subject line so that I can tell it apart from all of the space junk. But before asking, visit this post for complete details, disclaimers, and other caveats. Because it’s the right thing to do.

*okay, the middle question didn’t really ask about love.

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