New Feature: “Storm Will Give You Bad Advice”

EDIT: Archive of Bad Advice posts up here; original post is below
Bad Advice Comix #1: What to do if all your friends have boyfriends, and you do not.
Bad Advice #0002: Love or Money? Food for Picky Eaters? Advice for Moving In Together?
Bad Advice #0001: Losing Weight; Explaining Why You Have No Kids; Quit a Well-Paying Job Because You Don’t Like It AT ALL.

Instead of rushing a way-awesome cool-ever project out the door (like I kinda did with the Geek/Nerd Universe Spectrum), I’m going to refine the one I’ve been working on over the weekend, to present on Monday.

IN THE MEANTIME…I’d like to attempt a new feature on Longer Thoughts designed to get you to come up with interesting ideas for me be interesting, humorous, though-provoking, and maybe even useful.

But I need YOUR HELP. The idea behind “Storm Will Give You Bad Advice” is exactly as what it sounds like: you, dear reader, can write to me with a real problem you’re dealing with, large or small, and I will give you half-assed recommendations, pontifications, or vague musings on how to solve or live with it. Some examples from off the top of my head: do I really have to brush my teeth twice a day? Should I buy an iguana (if you really are considering buying an iguana)? Where’s the best place to dispose of a body (if you really do need to dispose of a body)? Etc., etc., etc.

  • I will not in any way guarantee the usefulness or accuracy my advice, but can assure you that I will consider your query seriously, and run it through the same overly-analytical process as everything else that enters my brain.
  • I will ignore most “joke” queries, because I think that the more real a problem is, the better the advice output will be. And as someone who’s made his way through life via pure bullshit alone, trust me, I’ll be able to tell if it ain’t real.
  • I will also not guarantee that I will answer your question, especially if I get a Star Destroyer’s worth of queries, and the length of my bad advice may range from a single sentence to a short story, depending on what it does to my brain.
  • I AM NOT TRAINED AS A PSYCHOLOGIST, COUNSELOR, OR EXPERT OF ANY SORT. I am just plain ol’ Storm, and as the title of the feature makes clear, I intend to and most likely will give you bad advice that you should not act upon. Hopefully thought-provoking and/or humorous, but almost certainly bad.

So if you’re ready to have your life decisions poorly serviced, send an e-mail to, and please put the words “bad advice” in the Subject line so that I can tell it apart from all of the space junk. Also note that (edits below added on April 14, 2011):

  • By submitting a question, you are granting me permission to use it in any manner that I see fit, including but not limited to publication in whole or in part here on Longer Thoughts; in a comic strip; in a physical book and/or ebook; on a billboard in front of your mom’s house; etc.
  • In light of the above, I do not require that you use your real name. I will only use the name that is listed immediately after your question, though I may withhold the name entirely if I deem it necessary for any reason.
  • “S”

One Comment

  1. Posted April 11, 2011 at 1:15 pm | Permalink

    I have a new tattoo on my chest that has recently entered the “itchy” faze. Should I give in and itch it even though I know it cause the healing process to be hampered? What if anything should I put on it to quell the itch?

    Thank you in advance for your response.

    (the guy with the beard)

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *