Where in [Deity]'s Name Have We Been?

The short version: Paul's laptop, a.k.a. Old Melonsides, decided to basically take most of November and December off, with several mostly-complete trip reports lodged firmly in her belly. Luckily, the fine shipwrights at Dell have salvaged her hulk and she's back upon the waves.

This does, however, leave us with a good two month's worth of backlogged trip reports. So to save everyone (but mostly us) time and effort, we'll just post some highlights...


November 11 - Radio and Barbeque in Syracuse, NY

Back in the Da Vinci's Notebook days, one of our favorite radio shows to visit was the Beaner & Ken show in Birmingham, AL (Tuscaloosa, technically; but we won't tell if you won't). Lo and behold, come 2005, Beaner & Ken are now in Syracuse, NY--and syndicated in Birmingham as well. (Radio is a strange place; we prefer to ask as few questions as possible.) We were in the area that week for a convention, so we finally had an excuse to drop by. Songs were sung, laughs were laughed, and Ken went waaay nuts on the sound effects. (In a good way, though)

While it was fun enough to hang with B&K, the biggest and best surprise of the day came at lunch...

FOOD REVIEW
Dinosaur Barbeque (BBQ) – Syracuse, NY
Rating: +2

This is the food that makes you proud to be an American. Or, if you’re not a United Statesman, this is the food that makes you want to *be* an American. At first blush, Upstate NY isn’t where you’d expect to find a honky tonk filled with smoked pork goodness of the finest quality. But get within four blocks of this gritty joint and your nose will tell you you’re not imagining it.

It’s all here. Décor is not faux roadhouse, manufactured by corporate HQ. No, it really is a roadhouse, complete with live music most evenings. At 1:30 in the afternoon on a Friday, we waited half an hour shoulder-to-shoulder with fifty other potential diners, every one of us with a stupid grin on our face. It was like waiting in line for the latest, greatest rollercoaster--the anticipation is part of the ride. And the trays of down-home delights passing under our noses or over our heads was like a coaster full of screaming passengers whizzing by.

Finally it was our turn to strap in at our tabletop next to the bar, and a friendly waiter came by for our drink order in no time at all. Saranac root beer on tap, creamy and deep. We started with hot wings and fried green tomatoes, and both were first rate. When the wings came to the table, we thought that they’d brought us drumsticks by mistake – they were that chubby. We had a choice of four of their house hot sauces, and we opted for garlic-chipotle-pepper. We chose wisely. Smokey and pungent, with enough kick to make it interesting.

In hindsight, though, we really shouldn’t have ordered any appetizers at all. Here come the ribs. The ¾ rack of pork ribs landed on the table with an intimidating “thud”, stopping all conversation. They had that classic deep red, glossy look, straight out of a barbeque magazine. But these babies weren’t just about good looks. Succulent meat came off the bones neatly, but retained its firm and juicy texture. Smoky through-and-through, the taste was straight from Texas.

Oh, that over there? Those are the side dishes that completed the scene. The mac and cheese would have been a fitting lunch in its own right, with a homemade sauce smothering little pasta shells. Little diced veggie bits added extra interest. Mashed potatoes with brown sauce more than held their own. Also present was a pulled pork sangwich, which was every bit as tasty as the ribs, except that it was on a bun. Sweet and tangy, there was more shredded meat than the bun could contain. Such a pity to have to mop it up with the coarse Texas-style cornbread.


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November 27-28 - Human Ping Pong and a Magic Mountain

Traveling out to the Midwest, to go back on Bob and Tom and tour a little. The plan was for Paul to fly from Philly (where he lives now for those of you who didn't know), Storm would fly from D.C., and we'd meet up in Moline, IL for a night of bad pizza and writing music.

That was the plan, anyway; the nasty string of thunderstorms cutting across middle-America had other ideas. Paul managed to make it to Moline okay (barely making it out of Chicago before things started stacking up); Storm was not so lucky, however, and his hub (Detroit) was all kinds of gnarled. Long story short, he was bounced down to Memphis, where his flight to the Quad Cities was cancelled. All hotel rooms were booked. Consolation prize? Air mattress on the concourse. It’s the kind of thing that sounded like it would be fun and exciting when you were nine years old, like getting trapped in a shopping mall. It was the opposite of fun. Thankfully, the good people at the in-airport Arby’s extended their hours to accommodate the stranded travelers...

FOOD REVIEW
Arby’s (Fast food) – Memphis International Airport
Rating: +1 (for being open late)

God bless you, Arby’s. You served Storm with a smile, handing over to him for a small fee two overstuffed Beef and Cheddar sammiches when no one else would give him as much as a French (freedom) fry. Processed, high-fat, and sodium-filled? Yep. Tasty sustenance for a weary musician? Yep, yep. Roast beef was fresh-sliced, juicy and garlicky. Cheese sauce oozed together with the added Horsy Sauce to form a third, super-powered, mega-vaginous* treat.


Fell asleep with a bellyful of beef, only waking up every ten minutes when the airport loudspeaker reminded everyone to look after their luggage. Thanks for that. Would have forgotten about it otherwise.

Paul, on the other hand, was living easy on his solo adventure of discovery, cruising cable TV and sipping on an Orange Julius.

FOOD REVIEW
Orange Julius - Some Mall, Moline, IL
Rating: +1

Orange Julius is a favorite taste from my childhood, and I go back and have one every couple of years to relive my long-lost youth. Big, semi-orange-flavored whipped drink, lots of froth...delicious. And yes, I got a big Orange-Julius moustache, just like the old days.


After ping-ponging once more the next morning--this time to Atlanta--Storm finally arrived in Moline, stinking like thirty hours of himself. Only one thing to do...

FOOD REPORT
Ross’ 24-Hour Diner – Bettendorf, IA
Rating: +1

Back to the scene of the crime! We reviewed this joint on our Yahoo! group, but for the benefit of thems who didn’t read it, Ross’ is one of those city traditions. Where people of every stripe meet to eat good, basic eats.

In this case, the claim to fame is the Magic Mountain, which is a grand tour of the world’s great carbohydrates. Take a plate. Slap down some Texas toast. Top with ground beef. Smother with French (freedom) fries or hash browns ($0.30 extra). Douse in cheese sauce. Top with onion “snow” (optional). Step back and stand in awe of it. Eat it. Regret it later? Maybe. But live for the moment.

Paul’s hamburger…. Especially tasty were the homemade potato chips, fried up just before landing on the plate. Service was very friendly and quick.

Step back in time with us now…a time before entrees…a time when appetizers roamed the earth. Out of this primordial funk rose a plate full of sticks. Cheese sticks. Pepperjack cheese sticks. And they were good. Very good. Spicy beyond what you’d expect at a diner, and served with cold marinara sauce. Not an especially good sauce, but just the thing to go with those firecracker sticks. Hot-cold-sweet-salty, it had it all.


That'll do for catching up, I think. Coming up next: 47-yardline tickets to the Colts game and "It's December; what can we do for fun? Hey, I know--let's go to upstate New York and Canada!"

Paul and Storm.


*Have we mentioned this word before? Everybody knows the new popular word “ginormous”, which is a combination “gigantic” and “enormous”. But we all know that the appeal of the word is that it sort of sounds like “vagina”. Hee-hee! I can say something that sounds like “vagina” and get away with it in polite company! Well, we call bulls*** on that word. You might as well just go to the source. So we are thereby coining the adjective “vaginous” to mean anything big and/or awesome. Someone please call the OED for us.